Growing up I never felt comfortable in my own skin. I did not know who I was supposed to be from day to day. Who should I be to get through this day? In school, trying to fit in was impossible. I was a straight nerd, which was not as cool back then as it is now.
At home, there was a constant battle with the other personalities in my household. As the middle “child”, everything seemed more difficult. I never really felt loved or truly accepted. Most days I just felt lost, wandering around trying to figure things out.
To make matters worse, I remember feeling so weird about not being “black enough”. I did not seem to fit in with the black crowd and my skin was too dark for the white crowd. Honestly, it was just another characteristic to put me in the middle of a group.
The bottom line is that I always felt like being me was not the right thing. But everything changed when I went to college. I went to college 600 miles away from home to a place where no one knew me. So if I could be whoever I wanted, why not just be me. Truly authentically me.
When this happened, things started to fall in line and feel so much better. The pressure was lifted. I could breathe again.
Be you because everyone else is already taken”
Oscar Wilde
While this quote is credited to Oscar Wilde, his authorship has actually not been corroborated. Nevertheless, it is still relevant to our topic today.
What is Your Authentic Self
Let’s start with the basics. What is an authentic self anyway? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
- Authentic: real and genuine; true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character
- Self: the union of elements (such as body, emotions, thoughts, and sensations) that constitute the individuality and identity of a person
In summary, your authentic self is your true identity. It is a compilation of your unique personality, qualities, and talents. What distinguishes you from others. Your authentic self is also where you will feel the most alignment. In other words, your thoughts, beliefs, and actions are consistent and in line with one another.
How to know if you are not being your authentic self
So now that we know the basic definition of the authentic self, it is time to discuss how to know if you are not being your authentic self.
#1 You feel out of place
In social situations, you frequently feel out of place like you do not belong. Similar to feeling isolated while you are in a crowd. Another version of this is truly being out of place. If you feel like you have to behave in a certain way for people to like you.
This is a crowd you should not be in. For example, laughing at jokes you do not find funny or attending festivities that are outside of your morals/beliefs just so you can fit in. PAUSE…if this is happening, find a new group of acquaintances now.
#2 You are wearing a mask
You feel like you are wearing a ‘mask’. This could be a physical or emotional mask.
- Physical examples: wearing clothes or makeup you hate or does not flatter you because it is what everyone else is doing. Or living outside of your means by spending money you do not have to impress people you do not even like.
- Emotional examples: In relationships, you do not want to be in or spend time with people who do not have your best interest at heart just because you do not want to be alone
#3 You worry about what people think about you
It is not a good idea to be focused on how others view you. There will always be someone who doesn’t like you for some dumb reason that doesn’t even matter. Do not define yourself by what people think about you. Especially because these people do not matter. Instead, focus on what you think and know about yourself? This is what truly matters.
Why Being Authentically You is The Path to Take
Living this way is not the way to happiness. Before you know it, you will not be able to recognize yourself and eventually start to hate what you see in the mirror. Being authentically you is important for 3 reasons:
#1 Your higher power created you for great things
Every person is created for a purpose. However, the problem is that not everyone lives within their purpose. It is difficult to miss out on what the universe is giving you when you are living in true alignment with who you really are.
Spend time connecting with yourself to determine what brings you joy? What gives you a feeling of satisfaction? Find out and stay in the presence of it. This will bring you closer to where you need to be.
#2: People connect with your authentic self
All the masks are not necessary and sometimes block the right people from coming into your life. Drop the masks to increase your connection with others and yourself.
In time, you will rarely feel out of place because you will be gravitating toward situations and circumstances which are in line with your authentic self.
#3: You will be happier
Things just get so much easier when you do not care what people think. It is like a storm cloud of pressure is lifted from you. There will be no more masks, no internal pits in your stomach. Practice operating as your authentic self and you will progressively be happier.
People are begrudgingly working jobs they hate, in relationships they do not want, and spending money they do not have. Do not live this life. It is always possible to change your behavior and current situation. You can decide at this moment to change your life for the better.
Loving yourself is of the utmost importance and being your true self will help you get there. See the more you appreciate YOU in all your amazing glory, the closer you will be to being your authentic self and loving the person in the mirror.
Be authentically you, it’s ok, actually better than ok. It is in alignment with where you actually should be. So dance like no one is watching, be happier, and walk into purpose.
Here are a few additional resources about staying true to your authentic self:
I hope this article encourages you to be your authentic self and live a happier life. For more inspiration, check out this blog post and follow us on Pinterest. Join our email list for additional enlightenment, inspiration, and tools/strategies to improve your life. If you need a personalized action plan for your life and more motivation to be your authentic self, schedule a session today.
